Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
