I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
