I'll bet she douches with gravy.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
