goodnight i made you a song goodbye
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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