Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
