How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
