called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
