I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
