My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Randomize
