I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
