Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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