guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Randomize
