I am spending my child support on dildos
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
