dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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