My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
