Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
