All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
