You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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