you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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