There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize