Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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