i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
