I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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