i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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