Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Randomize
