I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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