You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
