I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
