ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
