I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize