Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
