One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
They have beer where we have blood.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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