im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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