No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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