loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
