mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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