i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
