i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
