Welp...herpes.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
