Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
