come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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