Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize