oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
