ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
