More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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