there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
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