You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
