bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
