What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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