Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
