I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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