you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
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