My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
