There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize