she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
