And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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