it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize