There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Randomize
