I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
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