i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
