Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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