Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
