I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
