my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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