your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
