She went from zero to smokin in five shots
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
