You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
