he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
