3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
it's great music for shaving your balls
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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